Carlin's 10, er... 2 Commandments

I think there's a lot of wisdom here.

I Can Walk, Mein Fuhrer!

As a fan of bizarre characters it's probably no surprise that Peter Sellers' turn as Dr. Strangelove is one of my all-time favorites. The hair, the glove, the wheelchair, the accent. It's quite possibly the greatest comedic performance ever.

How Not To Begin Your Sobriety Test

As a long-time bartender you'd think I'd be sick and tired of watching shit-faced shenanigans. Well, as you've seen from some of my prior posts, that couldn't be further from the truth. I just love watching people who just can't seem handle their liquor, especially when some sort of self-inflicted pain is involved. Here's my new favorite.

Drunk Fails Sobriety Test - video powered by Metacafe

Grizzly Man Meets Robo-Cop

Back before Werner Herzog made Timothy Treadwell and his Grizzly-fetish famous, there was Troy Hurtubise. After a close encounter with a Grizzly in 1984, Hurtubise decided he wanted to know more about these beasts. Instead of renting a video, though, or even buying some freaking binoculars, he set about figuring out a way he could get up close and personal with them. Seven years and $150, 000 later the Mark VI armour-suit was born. The following clip, which shows each suit incarnation being tested for durability (with Hurtubise inside), is taken from 1996 film Project Grizzly.

I'm guessing all that punishment has caused Mr. Hurtubise some brain damage. Why? Because in the last couple of years he has made the jump from designing monkey-suits to inventing:

a) Firepaste: a heat resistant paste which can withstand temperatures greater than those the Space Shuttle faces upon re-entry (one ingredient of this paste is Diet Coke).

b) Angel Light: a device which can see through objects, detect stealth aircraft, see through flesh, and disable electronic devices (it came to him in a dream and worked on first try).

c) God Light: a device which can make blind men see and lame men walk. It has also, supposedly, cured Parkinson's disease and shrunk tumors.

From left to right-- Troy Hurtubise, the Angel Light, the Mark VI.

The Three Murderers

Who else but the guys at South Park could make three of our nation's most notorious serial killers funny? No one, that's who! In this clip they cast Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer as The Three Stooges and then send them off to buy a cake for Satan. So grab some popcorn and then sit back and enjoy the ensuing hilarity (and gore).

Rush Limbaugh In Funkytown

I know, I know. This is a very short clip. But watching Rush bust a move to Herbie Hancock's "Rock It" is mesmerizing. I just have to keep clicking it over and over again.

Ay, Caramba!

Lott's Dream Job

As William Bunch pointed out in his own blog, we now know why Trent Lott was so driven in the last couple of days to secure a certain GOP leadership post. It's the job he grew up fantasizing about, the one his idol, Strom Thurmond, always pined for: Minority Whip! And it's finally his!

Aw, I can just see all the good ol' boys back home in Mississippi getting misty-eyed right about now.

Sexual Assault In The 21st Century

Growing up, I was a casual fan of the 70's version of Buck Rogers. Sure, even then it seemed a bit stupid (insert Twiki joke here) but it was a helluva lot better than Space 1999 and Battlestar Galactica. Maybe it was because there were more freaks, or maybe it was because of Erin Gray. Who knows? What I can say with certainty is I don't remember this episode. In it Wilma Deering (Erin Gray) finds herself surrounded by a gaggle of space dwarfs who seem intent on recreating (or inspiring if you wanna get technical) the infamous "That's you college boy" scene from The Accused. Thankfully it's cut before they move over to the pinball machine.

Also, look for a young Tony Cox (Bad Santa, Me, Myself & Irene).

The Man, The Myth, The Eye

Jack Elam, one of my all-time favorites, was born on this date in 1918. He started out his career playing "The Heavy" but I'll always remember him for his comedic turns in Support Your Local Sheriff and The Cannonball Run. So think kindly of the homely ol' bugger today and, if you happen upon someone with a wall-eye of their own, feel free to thank 'em for all they do in keeping the world interesting.

Elam trivia:
1) he lost the sight in his left eye after another Boy Scout stabbed him with a pencil during a fight at a troop meeting.
2) He "retired" to Ashland, Oregon many years back and died at home there in 2003. (I went to school there in the 80's and we used to see him shuffling around town once in a while).

Video Nearly Killed The Radio Star

Who says you have to be pretty to be a rock and roller? Well, MTV for one. But thank God they don't have the final say or we'd have missed out on some great music over the years. And so, in no particular order, I give you my 6 all-time genetically-challenged, ill-favoured rock stars.

Thom Yorke- Radiohead

Joey Ramone- The Ramones

With a special appearance from Lemmy- Motorhead

Geddy Lee- Rush

Ric Ocasek- The Cars

Tom Petty

Johnny Winter

Good Riddance

Botha and Reagan's Legacy

P.W. Botha died this week (10/31/06). Thank god his political career passed on some 17 years ago. Why? Because good ol' P.W. was the Prime Minister of South Africa, quite possibly the most racist country of the 20th century. Sure, it took the combined will of the entire world but, in the end, even this racist redneck saw the error of his ways.

Well, actually, the entire world wasn't against Botha and his racist regime. During the 80's, you see, while South Africa brutalized it's black majority, jailed and tortured it's leader (Nelson Mandela), and set racial equality back 100 years, one other country's leader stood by its side in full support. That leader: our own Ronald Reagan. Ol' Ronny joined Botha in calling Mandela a terrorist and even vetoed our Congress' attempt at joining the world in sanctions. Luckily there were enough votes to override this veto (no thanks to Dick Cheney who, as representative from Wyoming, voted against them both times).

So, please, do not weep for P.W. Botha. He does not deserve it. And also remember that Ronald Reagan, the GOP's God-Incarnate, was his ideological brother.