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Is this Weiden + Kennedy? Or Kramer + Gibson?

More Weng Weng

It's our new favorite super-agent showing us his Karate Kid moves. Beware!

"Pulleth Mine Finger," The Lord Said Unto Abraham

In a cosmic jest right up there with God tricking Abraham into releasing The Almighty Wind (which slew the Phoenicians), The Vatican announced this week that for centuries His Lordliness has been pulling our collective leg about the whole Limbo thing. What a wiseacre. For almost two thousand years the parents of newborns who died before baptism have wept, believing they would never see their children in Heaven. That, instead, these innocents were sent to a lower plane, away from the presence of God. But guess what? Zing! It was only a joke!

So who let the punchline finally slip? Was it The Lord His-Damned-Self in an HBO Special, perhaps? Or in a profanity-laced set at The Comedy Store? Nope. It was none other than The Lord's straight man, His Holiness The Pope. That's because The Big Guy doesn't make personal appearances like he used to: every other week from a burning bush and or sinister cloud. Nuh-uh. Nowadays he just sits up there on his throne, whispering in The Pope's ear and chuckling at his handiwork.

And so it happened this week. His Benedictness the XVI was sitting quietly in his study, re-rereading his favorite naughty bits from the Book of Obadiah (Letter from Esua to the char-woman), when he found out:

The Lord (off-camera): "You busy?"
His Eminence (quickly pulling his hands above the table): "Huh, Whoozat?"
The Lord: "'Tis me. The One True God. You got a minute?"
His Eminence (meekly): "Sure, I was just, uh, slogging my treatise."
The Lord: "Never mind that. Have I got a doozy for you..."

Okay, so that's not the official version. The official version goes something like this:

Catholic experts are expected to advise Pope Benedict XVI that teachings on the state of limbo - somewhere between heaven and hell - should be amended. For centuries many Roman Catholics have believed that the souls of babies who die before baptism remain in limbo. But the Catholic Church is concerned about the grief suffered by the parents of stillborn babies, which could be compounded if they believed the souls of their children were to be excluded from heaven.

It's the old "Whoops, We Read That Wrong" defense. Not very assuring, if you ask me, but quite a bit better than the "The Man Upstairs Is Fucking With Us" alternative. So where do they go from here? Do they finally admit they haven't a clue about condoms or gays or the end of the world? Nah, there's still too much money in it, even with the pedophilic priest lawsuits. So they'll just keep muddling along, tut-tutting the rest of humanity whilst waving their collection plates about. It's really all they know.

Screw James Bond. It's Weng Weng!

This clip really needs no introduction (it's one of the funniest things I've seen) except to give the usual props to Russ for sending it my way. I also have a few more clips he's sent me I need to post and, if you add those to the barrage of great stuff he's cramming on his own blog, it makes you wonder: Does he have a staff of undocumented workers in his basement, hunched over monitors, trolling YouTube 24 hours a day? An "internet sweatshop," if you will? It might explain things...

Half-Man/Half-Chimp?

He's bald, he walks upright and he forces himself on women. No, it's not Bob Packwood. It's Oliver, the weirdest chimp you'll ever meet.

Who Knows Where That Hand's Been?

Just a little tidbit my "normal" brother, Royd, sent along. Must be genetic.

Mr Po-yu, a 28-year-old vet at a zoo in Taiwan, had the arm severed at the elbow as he tried to treat the fearsome 18ft creature with antibiotics because it had lost its appetite. As he reached through iron railings, the 17-year-old Nile crocodile lunged and snapped off his arm at the elbow.

Stunned colleagues applied a tourniquet to the shocked vet as the croc wandered off with the limb in its jaws. A worker fired two bullets at it to kill it so the arm could be retrieved, but he missed. The sound of the gunfire, however, caused the crocodile to drop its anticipated snack and a courageous official jumped into the pen and retrieved the arm, which was packed in ice.

After a seven-hour reattachment operation, doctors were confident that it would be a success, but warned Mr Po-yu that because they had to remove damaged bone and skin, his arm would be shorter than before.

Come To Daddy (by request)

Here's one more Aphex Twin video by Chris Cunningham (creator of Rubber Johnny). It was requested by (and is dedicated to) fellow deviant Max.

Nightmares Anyone?

Quite possibly the most disturbing thing you'll ever see. "Rubber Johnny" by Aphex Twin. (You've been warned).

The Amazing Screw-On Head

From Mike Mignola, the creator of Hellboy, comes this strange animated tale of Abraham Lincoln, an undead evil genius, and a mechanical cranium-only secret agent. With the voice talents of Paul Giamatti, David Hyde-Pierce and Patton Oswalt. Interesting stuff.

My Favorite Man Law

In case you didn't know: the "If the tops touch then our saliva's are touching..." guy is Aron Ralston, the rock climber who sawed his own arm off after it was trapped under a boulder. You can just make out his stump.

Britney Spears Back In Rehab

Just kidding. Actually it's an interesting tale of a volunteer fireman, a bikini, and a 40 oz. Budweiser.

MASON – A Wayne Township volunteer firefighter is scheduled to appear Thursday in Mason Municipal Court on drunken driving and other charges after he was found wearing a woman’s blond wig and bikini in a public park.

Steven S. Cole, 46, Waynesville, was arrested about 5 p.m. Tuesday at Heritage Oak Park off U.S. 42 after Mason police received a report of an intoxicated man. Cole was charged with drunken driving, having an open container, public indecency and disorderly conduct.

Cole was arrested after a Mason father enjoying the balmy spring weather at the park spotted him and called police.

“It was like this freak show,” said Troy Harphant, 35.

Harphant was at the park with his wife, Wendy, as they watched their daughter, Hayley, 6, zip around on a bike path on her pink Barbie Princess scooter. At least 100 other adults and children also were at the park, Harphant said. Harphant said he saw what appeared to be a naked person on the bike path, fondling or exposing himself or herself. Harphant then said he saw the person hop into a parked blue Ford F-150 pickup truck with red emergency lights on top. He followed the truck as it drove around the park – including by the children’s playground - and called police on his cell phone.

Mason Police Officer Scott Miller pulled the truck over. His report states: “I observed Cole to be wearing a very skimpy woman’s … bikini with two tan water balloons taped to the top to simulate two woman’s breasts and a pair of pink Speedo flip-flop sandals.”

Cole was unsteady and twice fell against the truck, Miller reported. Cole also fumbled through his wallet and handed him a debit card and a credit card when asked for his driver’s license. The officer looked through the wallet but could not find his driver’s license, although Cole did provide a Social Security Number.

“I asked Cole what he was doing wearing a woman’s bikini at the park where families frequent,” Miller wrote. “Cole did state he was headed to a ‘gay bar’ in Dayton to perform as a woman for a $10,000 prize."

As the two spoke, Miller reported smelling alcohol on Cole, who also had slurred speech. Police found an open, half-empty 40-ounce bottle of Budweiser in Cole’s truck. They also found a black gym bag with more blond wigs, women’s bikinis, long silver go-go boots and other women’s garments.Cole’s blood-alcohol test registered 0.174, more than twice Ohio’s legal limit of 0.08.