Chicks Dig Morbid Trivia
One thing you learn as a bartender is what works with the ladies. See, not only are we sober and you're not. But we're also there night after night. So, through clear eyes and sheer repetition, we see which opening lines are gold and which ones are simply t-minus masturbation.
What's my point? Well, I guess I'm feeling generous in my old age. Call it middle-aged compassion. Or simply call it charity. Whatever. But, out of the kindness of my heart, I've decided to bequeath upon you the ancient truth that men have searched for throughout the ages. Namely, that chicks dig morbid trivia. In fact, the creepier, the better.
And so, without further ado, I give you my top-ten list of macabre, panty-dropping trivia (in quiz format). So please feel free to play along while you memorize.
First off, let me start with a couple of easy ones in case you're sniffing around someone who thinks that being cultured means watching MTV 2:
Q) What song inspired Charles Manson and his Family's murderous rampage?
A) "Helter Skelter" by The Beatles.
Q) What novel not only caused the leader of Iran to issue a fatwa against the author but also inspired a $1,000,000 bounty on his head?
A) The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie.
Alright, enough of the easy shit, here is the heavy artillery (with answers below):
1) After shooting JFK (or being framed for it if that's your conspiracy du jour), Lee Harvey Oswald slipped into a movie theater. He was sitting there in the dark when he was arrested. What movie was playing?
2) Towards the end of his life Elvis Presley had bowel problems. Some claim it was because of all the prescription drugs he popped, others say it was a medical condition. Who cares? All you need to know is that he used to spend hours on the shitter. In fact, after his girlfriend found him in there at 1:30 p.m. on August 17th, 1977, she said he'd been in there for about 7 of 'em. She also said she hadn't really been worried because it was pretty normal. Anyway, when he'd gone in there he'd told her he was going to read awhile. What book was he reading?
3) On Sept. 11, 2001, just as the planes hit were hitting the Twin Towers, George W. was in a classroom in Florida listening to children read aloud. The story so intrigued him that he at first ignored the gravity of the situation and stayed to see how the story turned out. What was the book?
4) John Hinckley, Jr. shot President Reagan for one reason: he thought it'd impress someone (obviously he never tried any of my trivia). Who was he obsessed with?
5) On December, 8, 1980 Mark David Chapman shot and killed John Lennon as he returned to his New York apartment. What book was Chapman carrying at the time?
6) On May 19th, 1983, Diane Downs packed up her 3 kids in her Nissan and took them for a late night ride outside Springfield Oregon. Once she'd found the perfect spot she pulled over and shot them all point-blank, killing one. What song was playing on the car stereo as she plugged them?
7) On Sept. 7, 1996, after watching the Mike Tyson beat Bruce Seldon, Tupak Shakur climbed in Suge Knight's BMW. They were headed to the Death-Row Records owned club 662; they did not make it. At about 11:14 pm, while stopped at an intersection, Tupak was gunned down in a drive-by shooting. What album were they listening to?
8) As we all know Abraham Lincoln was a theater buff. In fact, he was sitting in the balcony at the Ford Theatre when John Wilkes Booth snuck up and blew his brains out all over the mezzanine. Well, what play was he watching?
9) On July 23, 1983, while filming a major-motion picture, Vic Morrow was decapitated in an accident, as was a child-actor he was carrying. The other child he carried was crushed to death. What movie was he filming?
10) Around 4 pm on July 18, 1984, James Oliver Huberty grabbed his Uzi, his shotgun and his 9mm and told his wife he was "going to hunt humans." Moments later he walked into his neighborhood San Diego McDonalds and shot 40 people, killing 21 of them. What song was playing on the boombox he was carrying?
Answers:
1) War is Hell starring Audie Murphy.
2) The Scientific Search for the Face of Jesus by Frank O. Adams
3) The Pet Goat by Siegfried Engelmann and Elaine C. Bruner
4) Jodie Foster
5) The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
6) "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran
7) The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory by Tupak Shakur
8) Our American Cousin by Tom Taylor
9) Twilight Zone: The Movie
10) "The Warrior" by Scandal
And one bonus question (in case it's a Goth chick you're hustling):
Q) What album was Ian Curtis of Joy Division listening to when he hung himself?
A) The Idiot by Iggy Pop
What's my point? Well, I guess I'm feeling generous in my old age. Call it middle-aged compassion. Or simply call it charity. Whatever. But, out of the kindness of my heart, I've decided to bequeath upon you the ancient truth that men have searched for throughout the ages. Namely, that chicks dig morbid trivia. In fact, the creepier, the better.
And so, without further ado, I give you my top-ten list of macabre, panty-dropping trivia (in quiz format). So please feel free to play along while you memorize.
First off, let me start with a couple of easy ones in case you're sniffing around someone who thinks that being cultured means watching MTV 2:
Q) What song inspired Charles Manson and his Family's murderous rampage?
A) "Helter Skelter" by The Beatles.
Q) What novel not only caused the leader of Iran to issue a fatwa against the author but also inspired a $1,000,000 bounty on his head?
A) The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie.
Alright, enough of the easy shit, here is the heavy artillery (with answers below):
1) After shooting JFK (or being framed for it if that's your conspiracy du jour), Lee Harvey Oswald slipped into a movie theater. He was sitting there in the dark when he was arrested. What movie was playing?
2) Towards the end of his life Elvis Presley had bowel problems. Some claim it was because of all the prescription drugs he popped, others say it was a medical condition. Who cares? All you need to know is that he used to spend hours on the shitter. In fact, after his girlfriend found him in there at 1:30 p.m. on August 17th, 1977, she said he'd been in there for about 7 of 'em. She also said she hadn't really been worried because it was pretty normal. Anyway, when he'd gone in there he'd told her he was going to read awhile. What book was he reading?
3) On Sept. 11, 2001, just as the planes hit were hitting the Twin Towers, George W. was in a classroom in Florida listening to children read aloud. The story so intrigued him that he at first ignored the gravity of the situation and stayed to see how the story turned out. What was the book?
4) John Hinckley, Jr. shot President Reagan for one reason: he thought it'd impress someone (obviously he never tried any of my trivia). Who was he obsessed with?
5) On December, 8, 1980 Mark David Chapman shot and killed John Lennon as he returned to his New York apartment. What book was Chapman carrying at the time?
6) On May 19th, 1983, Diane Downs packed up her 3 kids in her Nissan and took them for a late night ride outside Springfield Oregon. Once she'd found the perfect spot she pulled over and shot them all point-blank, killing one. What song was playing on the car stereo as she plugged them?
7) On Sept. 7, 1996, after watching the Mike Tyson beat Bruce Seldon, Tupak Shakur climbed in Suge Knight's BMW. They were headed to the Death-Row Records owned club 662; they did not make it. At about 11:14 pm, while stopped at an intersection, Tupak was gunned down in a drive-by shooting. What album were they listening to?
8) As we all know Abraham Lincoln was a theater buff. In fact, he was sitting in the balcony at the Ford Theatre when John Wilkes Booth snuck up and blew his brains out all over the mezzanine. Well, what play was he watching?
9) On July 23, 1983, while filming a major-motion picture, Vic Morrow was decapitated in an accident, as was a child-actor he was carrying. The other child he carried was crushed to death. What movie was he filming?
10) Around 4 pm on July 18, 1984, James Oliver Huberty grabbed his Uzi, his shotgun and his 9mm and told his wife he was "going to hunt humans." Moments later he walked into his neighborhood San Diego McDonalds and shot 40 people, killing 21 of them. What song was playing on the boombox he was carrying?
Answers:
1) War is Hell starring Audie Murphy.
2) The Scientific Search for the Face of Jesus by Frank O. Adams
3) The Pet Goat by Siegfried Engelmann and Elaine C. Bruner
4) Jodie Foster
5) The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
6) "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran
7) The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory by Tupak Shakur
8) Our American Cousin by Tom Taylor
9) Twilight Zone: The Movie
10) "The Warrior" by Scandal
And one bonus question (in case it's a Goth chick you're hustling):
Q) What album was Ian Curtis of Joy Division listening to when he hung himself?
A) The Idiot by Iggy Pop
posted by Ryan A at 12:01 AM
5 Comments:
Ryan, Some of us older chicks can't remember some of this stuff. Larry and I want to know is all this true.
the trivia? all true.
the effect on women? well, let's just say the jury is still out on that.
If I remember correctly, Dubya's book was actually "MY Pet Goat".
I thought so, too. But it is "The Pet Goat." Check Wikipedia for explanation.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pet_Goat
Knew way too many of these...too old for my own good! Now, I AM depressed!
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